Revolution!

I’ve been asked to write a few words about a subject very dear to my heart. Beards. I’ve personally had a variety of facial hair since it started sprouting from my facial follicles.

By the time I finished High School, it wasn’t very thick. I grew a goatee and sideburns. That was it. My cheeks were far too patchy to make for a decent beard, and my moustache made me look like some kind of sex offender. So I sculpted around the weak parts, and enhanced the strong.

After I while, my sideburns attached themselves to my goatee in what’s known as a chin strap, or a chin curtain. And for the past six months or so, I’ve just let it grow wild into a style known as the Alaskan Whaler, or the Modern Amish.

A big beard is a liberating thing. It shows the world that you are completely comfortable with who you are. Millions of years of evolution have decided that a man should have a beard. We’re the only member of the primate species that grow gigantic, amazing beards, and do you know why that is?

It’s the same reason that male lions grow manes. Let’s just cut the crap and stop calling them manes. They’re beards. Big cats with big freaking beards. Like the lion, we are the pinnacle of our animal family. Our beards are our celebration of our dominance, and our strength.

A man who grows a beard embraces all that it means to be a man. A man that shaves his beard loses a part of what defines him as a man. These days, there is no reason whatsoever for a man to keep a clean-shaven face. There are so many different styles that you could use. I recognise that not all men can pull off the full-beard look. Some men have patchy cheeks. Some men have rapist moustaches. Some men can’t grow beards at all, but for them, there are hormone therapy treatments they can get to stimulate follicular growth on their face.

It’s time to let our beards grow freely and proudly, but there are people out there who would ask you to keep shaving.

In the corporate world, a beard is something to be shunned, and this is something I cannot abide. A friend of mine got a job at a large Australian corporation. My friend had an amazing beard. But when he began his new job, he had to shave. He told me that they have a strict no-beard policy. This means that anyone who works for this organisation is obliged to keep a clean shaven face, otherwise they lose their jobs.

Now, if this situation was turned on its head and a large corporation had a policy which dictated that a female employee had to have their hair cut to a certain length on threat of termination, it would be an undisputable case of workplace discrimination. Currently we have the Victorian Chief of Police attempting to implement a no-beard policy within the Victorian Police Service. Our bearded brothers who are responsible for keeping our streets clean are being forced to shave against their will.

We are now witnessing a beard renaissance in Australia. Big beards are back, and thanks to many pro-beard public figures, we now have a passionate population of the Australian people who love beards, and want to spread the love to as many faces as possible.

I am one of these people. I am a passionate beardvocate of big beardy beards.

Have you thought about growing a beard today? Luckily, it’s not something you have to think about at all. Every single moment you’re not actively shaving, you’re growing a beard. The only thing you have to do is… absolutely nothing at all. It literally takes no effort whatsoever to let your beard grow freely.

Put down your razors. Empty your bottles of shaving cream into the sink. Let your beard grow, and join the beard revolution.

2 comments

  1. You are the last true bearded hero. God bless sir.

  2. Let it beard!

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