I really hate Annalise. Every time I talk to her she brings up how she looks, or how her house looks, or how I look. Yesterday she got mad at me because I forgot to bury her time capsule, but in reality I’d specifically not done it because I’d decided to open it and found she was burying a piece of clothing – because maybe she’d like it more when she dug it up again. She’s a superficial nuisance.
That’s why I gave her a new catchphrase, one I hope any villagers and visitors in my town will happily obey.
I feel better already.
The rest of my civilians have been brainwashed into following my every word as mayor, spouting such lines as ‘Potaku or bust!’ and ‘Worship Pants!’ I didn’t force them to say any of these, mind, they came to me and asked for this themselves.
After my first night with Majora’s Mask on I found myself unable to remove it – cursed forever for the attempted murder of Whatberg’s citizens, or personal refusal to remove it because it ‘looks cool’? Either way, none of the villagers seemed to mind too much at first. I went about my daily business as mayor and actually tried to improve the town by personally funding the construction of a yellow park bench and a clock by the train station. They were the cheapest options available to me.
A few nights later the Majora’s Mask Murderers were reunited once more, only this time we’d both been able to acquire axes! No more shovel murders for us! Although really, when you’re on the move the shovel doesn’t look all too different from the axe, so in terms of aesthetics not much really seemed to have changed. Doc also took me to the town clothing store to show me his new shirt design: blood spatter. I think it looks a bit like a Hawaiian shirt, and for some reason the whole ensemble makes me think of Bruce Campbell. I’m not really sure why.
Shiggy and Patience also happened to be visiting Whatberg at the time. While Shiggy was relatively quiet and kept away from us, I’m pretty convinced Patience has become our unmasked accomplice of sorts. That night she helped us trap one of Whatberg’s villagers in front of his own home. I tried to argue that maybe he should be spared, because he’d told me he thought Doc was a cool guy, but apparently we aren’t selective about who we attack, and no one is safe. It’s at this point that the villagers start to get a bit suspicious of our activities.
Certainly, we haven’t been the most subtle of axe murderers. Or even murderers, at that – none of our victims have actually died. It’s difficult being an axe murderer, guys.
It’s political caucus night for Australia so in an attempt at topical humour I enquire as to whether there’ll be any sort of leadership spills in Whatberg that night.
Later in the week, Patience informs me that she has a ‘victim’ for me, so I open my gates and Patience brings a little cat called Katie into town. Before the two part, Katie confides in Patience (unaware of my omniscient presence) that she’s been scared of traveling alone and that Patience has given her the confidence she needs to explore the world. Now she’s ready for anything!
That poor girl. It’s pretty much undeniable fact that Patience is an accomplice now.
This week has been all about renovation in Potaku, and one of the first things I looked into getting was a basement where I could set up a sacrificial altar and place of worship. Currently it’s very small, and the light flickers if you try to turn it on, and I’ve been told that the blood on the walls is a bit too tacky, but I like it. This is my house!
It’s been an incredibly busy week of renovating – and trying to make up the funds to pay for those renovations – so late in the week I decided I needed some time off. Some friends were talking about the new club that had opened in one of their towns, and that sounded like a nice way to relax. It was like looking into the future – my town didn’t have a club at the time, but the next morning a petition was thrust into my hands and suddenly we were gearing up for one of our own. There’s always something new to work towards in Animal Crossing.
The next day one of those friends came to visit, and after selling all of his perfect fruits in my town I managed to successfully hold him up for money. He left 300,000 Bells in those bags, and paid off the renovation costs for my Dream Suite, which I’d neglected for several days to pay for home expansions. A nice guy. He gets to live. The same can’t be said for Wart Jr, the latest villager in my town. He thought we were only playing a simple game of hide and seek…
I have encountered a new evil, one unrivalled by anything else I have ever seen. I frequent Tortimer’s island now to collect beetles as my primary source of income. And every time I pass through that lobby, it is there. Sitting there. Watching me. With those eyes. I went to talk to it once.
GET IT AWAY FROM ME!
Patience came to visit again yesterday, bringing Katie along with her as well. I’m curious as to why Katie would ever want to visit Potaku again, but I guess she had no choice in where she went, leaving me to instead wonder why she would trust Patience again. Katie disappeared quite suddenly, perhaps fleeing for her life, so Patience decided to check out my house instead and see what it looked like with all of the renovations that had been undertaken since her last visit. I quickly try to calm her suspicions about some of the design choices.
But in the end she left and once again I was left alone in a town full of weird animals brainwashed to worship and love me even if I try and fail to kill them, even if I send Annalise rotten pears in letters consisting entirely of death threats. They spout the same things over and over again and I realise I have no one in town I can really talk to.
The life of an axe murderer in Animal Crossing is a lonely one indeed.